Bypass.


As I was setting my schedule for this semester, I thought, "Right. Mondays will be the days I'll use for research, or for getting my week squared away enough that it won't be beastly from Tuesday through Friday." Instead, so far it seems that Mondays will be the days when I scramble a lot, paying myself back for having taken a bit too much time to rest over the weekend. These are the things I find I have forgotten.

But oh: the soybean fields turning yellow, on the way to a morning appointment. And oh: the stalky sunflower I can't photograph for you because I haven't yet figured out where to pull over and shoot it. Some things I did manage to see today. And some people, including my beloved classicist friend, whose birthday it has been all day. And so, though I have hours of work left to do before I can sleep, I can't fool myself into thinking that it's been a day of only work.

Apparently, Mondays may be becoming the day when I try to have two days' worth of being, all packed into one.

Yet another comeback.


One might say that home is the place where your flaming-sworded friend will invite you to go with her to the mall in the city and will even do the driving, thereby allowing you to take pictures of the landscape that you've missed so much more than you even knew. In the aftermath of yesterday's rain, the world has been wiped free of its haze for the next little while.

I have come back to the village with shoes the color of these barns.


Building projects.


I'm entering a schlepping phase again: I carried large stacks of books to school with me, then carried large stacks home. Some books were in both of those stacks--the going and then the returning. Others went to school and stayed there; still others came home for the first time in more than a year. It's clear to me that I must be gearing up, or wanting to gear up, for some kind of concerted effort. In some direction. Or something.

It would also seem that my sleep cycles have now shifted: at 11 p.m., I find myself dozing over my reading. By 7:30 a.m., I'm up and running again.

And then a whole week is nearly gone, and there is always so much more to say.

On dust and being human.

Not a thing I saw or heard or read or learned today moved me as much as getting to look at my excellent poet friend's very new copy of the very new Library of Dust. Rather than sum up its story here, I'm going to send you to a better (and more thoroughly illustrated) source: the blog of the person who wrote one of this book's essays. I'm haunted by the sure knowledge that I'd read about this project, or heard about it somehow, before now--even though I have no idea where, or how, or when. It's an extraordinary piece of work, one very much worth your while.

source for today's image: David Maisel's Library of Dust, by way of Geoff Manaugh's BLDGBLOG.

Something I should explain.


Around the time that I was returning from England, my family hatched a plan to come see me over Labor Day weekend, since I wasn't in any shape to go visiting anyone, what with the revised article being due and classes beginning three weeks after my return. I think that it must have been just after my return that my brother called me and revealed the plan to bring our dog along to Ohio. You know a fair amount about this dog, if you've been reading here for a long time: she's fifteen, has had one ear removed, is totally deaf in the remaining ear, barks and howls when she sees people she loves showing each other affection (or when someone leaves without saying goodbye), and goes by many nicknames, including Stinkpot, Rodrigo, and Big Dummy. However, she no longer answers to these nicknames--because of the deafness, see. Now she only answers to hand gestures and physical contact.

In order to make nearly four hours of car travel with her bearable, my mother told the vet that she needed a couple of sedatives. "Just enough to knock her out for the ride there and then the ride back," she said. And so the vet dispensed a few pills, and on Saturday morning, my parents gave the dog one of them.

By the time they got halfway here, the dog's bones had dissolved, leaving my mother to have to drag her across a gas station parking lot during a pit stop for fuel and toilet breaks. When I went out to meet them upon their arrival here, they said, "We think we broke the dog." She was a big floppy periodically urinating mess; we arranged her on her dog bed and dragged said bed from the kitchen to the living room when we needed to change rooms.

Saturday evening, she was largely back to herself, wagging her tail, frisking around, cadging food from anyone and everyone, even barking at a small child; Sunday morning, after a night of collapsed sleep on my bed (cf. today's image, another from that night's series), she was entirely herself again.

Why put the dog through all this? Well: she's old, and she's so tightly bonded to my parents (even more than to my brother and me, since she doesn't see us daily) that she has started to get a bit despondent when they board her. In July, she lost something like ten pounds while at the kennel. Unless it's absolutely necessary, then, my parents don't want to leave her behind when they travel.

But my mother also knows that there's a chance I won't get home before Thanksgiving, and she knew that when I left for England, one of my sorrows was that the dog might not live to see my return. "What if she dies before Thanksgiving?" she thought to herself. And since I couldn't come to the dog, she set it up so that the dog would come to me--despite the difficulty of traveling with that good old goofball.

Nothing I've needed from her has ever proven too complicated or difficult for my mother to sort through and make possible. The dog is only the latest example, and so it's the one I'm using to tell her thank you, and happy birthday--because today is the anniversary of her arrival in the world, surely one of the luckiest days in my then-not-yet-existent little life. I love you, Mama. Welcome to your new year.

I say hello, and I say goodbye.


It's so excellent when they're all here that it becomes extra difficult when they're all gone. I move through it by losing myself in those ongoing adventures called Research, Advising, and Class Preparation. I fight a losing battle with a video projector; my class watches a movie on only 1/3 of a screen. At the end of the day, I am too over-involved to have any contemplative part of myself left, and I remember: this is what it was like. This is what I swore wouldn't happen again.

Life in color.


With my family here this weekend, I am getting a last (and in some sense a first) gasp of summer break even though we've already begun classes. I have a dog on my bed in Gambier for the first time; our dog does not usually travel such distances. This morning, I woke up happy despite the fact that the dog's body clock gets her (and her human) up at exactly 6:00 a.m. We went for a walk around the apartment complex at dawn. I saw the sun come up as I heated the milk for my morning coffee. The dog finished her dog food. I counted the morning lights: lavender, apricot, buttery yellow. I locked the screen door but left the kitchen door open to let in the morning air, and the dog and I went back to bed. (She has to be hefted up onto the bed now.) She curled up while I read, and then when I fell asleep, I curled up around her, and we slept like that for hours.

Now the college clock tolls the late night hours. The dog sleeps already, and I am off to join her.

Leaving.


A dear one left this evening, which put something of a damper on this first day of school--even more of a damper than the last remnants of our long, hard rain. She'll be back, of course, but in the meantime, her whole world here is missing her already.

I walked into my classroom five minutes early, started chatting with the students already there, and before I knew it, I'd offered them some knowledge, made them give me back some thinking, told them some things they'll soon know, found out from them some things they want to know. It was happy alchemy all around. Tomorrow I do it all over again. And then we'll be fully in swing.

Trees tip out in color all down the campus; I find myself wondering whether they're always so early.

Drop by drop by drop.

It was raining when I awoke this morning, and it is raining as I put my books aside and get ready to get ready to rest up for my first class. It's the fourth iteration of a class I love dearly; it is a constant in my teaching career here. I feel joyful about teaching it again, but I'm also, perhaps inevitably, restless about whether everything will go smoothly tomorrow.

Today, that restlessness came bounding out of me as irritability and frustration with a whole host of small things gone wrong: mistakes, noises, breakages, injuries. After dinner, I put one of my favorite mugs into the microwave to heat up water for tea (because, remember, my electric kettle blew up two weeks ago). I went off to the bathroom. A minute later, I heard what sounded like the mug's breaking. Returning to the kitchen, I found that the mug was empty. What had happened to the water? ... Had there been water? No indeed. Later, showing my Clevelander student (who is about to depart for Adventures Elsewhere) what had happened to the mug, I ran my index finger over the main crack inside the mug--which, as it turns out, didn't break and fall apart but instead had its glaze shattered in the microwave. Suddenly, I cried out: a splinter of the glaze, or of the ceramic, or something, had lodged itself under the pad of my index finger. It's still there, poking me. I'm hopeful that it will grow out of my skin (unlike the piece of graphite that's still in there, higher up on my fingerprint, a full five years after I accidentally lodged it there after someone's job talk at my old job).

At some point, I decided that I should retreat to my red chair and stop touching anything besides my books and papers, and that decision yielded some good things for tomorrow--as well as a reduced number of breakages for tonight.

I didn't do so much in the way of photography today: the press of time is just so great right now. Everything happens right now, for good and ill.

Settling up.


This week, I have been back on the job--on my job, here, in this place, which is not like any other academic place that I know about. I realized this evening that I've been thinking of my work as though it's taking place in some abstract academic universe, and so I've been worrying over things that I don't need to worry about. Some of that is going away as I remember where I am and get reabsorbed in how my life here goes. Great fermentation is happening as the semester's beginning approaches.

Tonight found me standing on my brand spanking new red Kik-Step stool, searching through the books on my theory shelf, finding what I've got on gender. My own spaces are becoming the libraries I have always loved: I climb on stools, I thumb through books, I make piles and move them from table to table, from building to building.

I have given up on the possibility of a celebratory post keyed to a number. For now, it has to be enough that I'm making it here at all. I'm keeping the lifeline spooling. But for now, I'm needed elsewhere; for now, that is, I need myself elsewhere most of the time.

In twenty-four hours, it will be the night before classes.

When you don't hear from me...


These days, it's all about the newness.


Which means that #1001 will have to be the celebratory one. Mostly, my brain is full to overflowing: new young people, returned colleagues, the new (oh, so fast!) computer, the ongoing process of trying to resettle myself materially, the insanity of a calendar that's already overcrowded. The backhoe outside my office window.


No zooming necessary there. Strangely, I find myself more easily able to deal with construction sounds than with the voices of nearby people.

I fantasize that the beginning of classes on Thursday will make things feel a bit more calm.

The grand eve.


This time tomorrow, I will have met my newest young people, and I will have given them and all (yes, all) of their classmates some kind of rousing talk about making this little place home, and about accumulating homes. I think that I am collecting homes. I will thread them like beads, finger them on a stoop somewhere.

And this time tomorrow, I will be writing (or will have written) my one thousandth post here, my favorite stoop.

I beg to differ.


When I saw this message writ large on the departmental chalkboard this morning, I knew that none of my colleagues had written it, because we are not liars.

This evening, I re-learned the joys of SPLASHING. Splashing in the sink! Splashing with the faucet! Splashing while holding a toothbrush! Splashing whilst someone stealthily washes your entire body without removing your clothing! (That last part was just me: the little one kept on pishposhsplishsploshing in the water at her feet; I sang her a song about how I was washing her ankles! and her toes! and her neck! and her ears!) This evening, she learned an ON/OFF game with hats. She also learned that flowered shorts make excellent floppy hats and can even prompt one's parents to don a towel-bandanna and a colander, just so everyone can wear a hat before dinner.

See how it is that I know that we do rule, in and out of school? Yeah. I thought you did.

More welcome.


I didn't forget about him: first it took some time to see him, and then it took some time to photograph him, and then I wanted the right moment, which is tonight, following yet another fest of welcome: the first all-faculty dinner of the year. Which means that the year is now underway. Which means, even more now, that I really am home--even if I did slip and say today, of my $8.50 lunch, "I could never have gotten this for £4.25 at home!" "At home, eh?" my badass compatriot said.

Yeah, busted. Ah well.

Out for dinner.


Tonight, on the first night of the rest of my life, my newly Ohioan partner in badassery and I sped off into the countryside, heading to my favorite Loudonville eatery--only to find that it's moved on up the road to Wooster. I suppose that when you haven't been to a place in a year, you should call to make sure it's still there before you leave your own town. Fortunately, its place has been taken by a café that's also quite nice, if not quite the old Broken Rocks. Sated with our happy dinners, we sped homeward once again: she had the small girl to care for; I had an impending plumbing disaster (though I didn't know it yet).

When I saw how excellent the sunset was getting, she said, "Do you want me to pull over?" Because she knew: what I wanted, more than anything, was to shoot it, even if I couldn't quite make the perfect foreground register, even if the pastels in the sky weren't quite going to come right. She just knew, and that was just what I needed.